Thursday, April 2, 2009

Only in Arkansas

I live near the city of Bella Vista, Arkansas. For years it has been a place for folks to "retire" to. People actually take the license plates off of their cars from the previous states in which they lived and hang them on their mailbox poles. I guess some states are better than others and "he who has the best state wins" or something. But I digress (as usual)...

Anyway, the community is full of rich and bitchy individuals who have nothing better to do with their time than piss and moan about mundane things as if they were the worst things that ever happened in the history of human events.

Rat Man was reading the paper yesterday and when he got to the "Police Reports" he cracked up laughing. After giving him a few weird looks and considering calling an ambulance, he reads us this report, and I am quoting it verbatim (that means "word for word", Sweetie, so get that confused look off your face and go back to eating your paste):

"At 4:12 pm Thursday, a Cromer Drive resident reported that a neighbor's dogs had been urinating on her car wheels for about an hour and a half. A verbal warning was given to the owner for allowing the dogs off their property."

I can just see the police smirking as they gave said "verbal warning".

Now, I have questions about this (quite a few actually) and I would love to call up these people on Cromer Drive and ask those questions. I mean, who wouldn't?

I guess the main one would be this: What the hell did those dogs have to drink and how much of it did they have??? I mean, I don't think it is even POSSIBLE for a dog to urinate for an hour and a half without looking like a furry California Raisin when they were done; is it? (I am not a vet so I could be mistaken on that one.) Were they chugging giant mugs of beer and then coming back to the car over and over, or was this a continuous stream of pee? Did the dogs take turns or was this something like synchronized swimming where they all were hiking their legs and letting go in tandem? How in the hell can a dog possibly balance THAT LONG???

Yeah, it is one of those things that make you scratch your head and say "what...the...fuck???"

But, then again, I say that a lot.



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2 comments:

Triana said...

This cracks me up! I was thinking the same questions while I read that article (on your blog od course).

Lana said...

Hmm. Sounds like my boyfriend.. only he doesn't pee on car tires. (That I'm aware of, anyways) it just goes on and on and on...