Thursday, October 29, 2009

October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month

The fact that October is Domestic Abuse Awareness Month, gets over shadowed by the whole "PINK" thing, which just basically drives me nuts. I grew up in an abusive home and had an abusive relationship so I guess that is why. And the fact that I normally vounteer for a yearly Colon Cancer event, and that type of cancer is one that NO ONE wants to talk about.

Anyway, I thought I would break out the Dear Abby Signs of an Abuser List to share with everyone. At the bottom, I have added 3 that I think Abby needs to add and I have considered emailing her and telling her that she should add them. Because I think I qualify as a bit of an expert on this subject since I have lived with it (first IN it, and now with the MEMORIES of it) my whole life.

Please, if you know of ANYONE in this predicament, give her this list. If it is YOU, pay attention. If you have daughters print it off and hang it on the fridge. This list went up on MY fridge when my girs turned about 10 and 12 and the whole time they were at home and dating, I made them read it ever so often. I STILL make them read it ever so often and remember what it says.

So again, here it is, and if you know someone, then pass it along please. It is IMPORTANT! If you see ANY of these signs in a loved ones relationship, or your own relationship, then please do something, anything you can to change it. Women DIE every day because they live with an abuser. NOTHING is worth your life, or the life of your daughter, your mother, your sister, your best friend, a co worker, a cousin, or ANYONE else! If you can, hang this on the bulletin board at work.

And God forbid if you see these signs in a friend, a son (or a daughter, it IS a two way street!), or any other loved one, encourage them to get help!!!!

Re-blog it if you want (you can leave my 3 on there too). Just spread the word!

Dear Abby's Signs of a Abuser

PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.
JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.
ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.
BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.
MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry," instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."
HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.
CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partner will also abuse children.
"PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting. (See my own "Tickling" warning below).
VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.
RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.
SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.
PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.
THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or, "I didn't really mean it."

A Few Signs of my own that I added:

PRACTICAL JOKES-Practical jokes can be fun and harmless, but if they are happening all the time to degrade you and make you look stupid in front of everyone, they are abuse.
EXCESSIVE TICKLING-Laughing is an automatic response to tickling. And little tickles are, again, harmless, Sitting on someone and tickling them until they cry or beg you to stop is abuse. They may be laughing, but that doesn't mean they are having fun.
SCARE TACTICS-trying to make someone believe something terrible just to make you look like a fool- (This kind of goes back to my first one) I knew a man who killed a squirrel and then told his 3-year-old it was her cat just to upset her. THAT, my friends is ABUSE. The Si-Fi show "Scare Tactics" is abusive, plain and simple. They make people believe HORRIBLE things, like someone is going to die, has died or that THEY themselves are going to dye, just to scare them and laugh at them. Not funny. Abusive. If someone does this to you, they are an abuser.