Random (and B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L) Thought

True friendship is like peeing in your pants; everyone can see it, but you are the only one who can feel its warmth.

Doesn't that just make you all squishy inside?



-

Flashback Friday-Pass the Squid, Please!

(Note: I made myself this little graphic for my flashbacks! Yeah I know the shading leaves a little to be desired, but I was hurrying to get it done this week. So if you don't like it, bite me. And I mean that in the nicest way.)


While The Tomboy has a wicked sense of humor, The Princess has always been a bit, well, empty headed, if you get my meaning. (I was going to say BLONDE, but I didn't want to offend any of my pitifully few readers! Love you guys, by the way :o) :o)

We went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant one night when The Princess was about 14 or 15 years old. We were all sitting there with our menus and Rat Man was regaling us with a story from one of his many trips out of town.

He was telling us that when he went to a restaurant in the Sears Tower that he ordered calamari which, of course, is SQUID (and why you would eat that is beyond me. He has even had SHARK **shudder**......but once again, I digress). When he ordered it, he was assuming that it was cut up, breaded and fried. But he was VERY mistaken.

I was only about half listening to him, studying my menu, trying to decide between the shrimp scampi and grilled shrimp when I halfway heard him comment on the squid.

"It was all slimy and still had its tentacles."

I didn't quite catch what he had said, so I looked up with a "Hmmm?" He didn't hear me. So I asked him again what he had said, to which The Princess LOUDLY proclaims (just as the waitress reaches the table, no less) "He said it still had its testicles!"

I thought the waitress was going to pee her pants. I wanted to slide under the table. And then to top it off Rat Man, not missing a beat says very calmly "Now THAT would be something to see."

In case you are wondering, I had the grilled shrimp, but that seems kinda anti-climactic now, huh?


-

Someone is having some MAJOR wardrobe malfunctions!

Here are 3 search terms that brought the same person to my blog, THREE TIMES in ONE DAY (someone also needs some help using Google).

1. my slip was too long for my skirt

2. as i reached up i realised [sic] my half slip was showing

and

3. "my half slip"

Wow, I never knew my embarrassing moment was going to be so public!

Oh well, I still don't think I was having as many problems as this person doing the searching! Yeesh.

-

Shifting Gears for a Sec....

So many of us that never even knew you are so saddened by your senseless death. Rest in peace, Little Angel.

Caylee Marie Anthony

August, 2006- June, 2008

(Photo Credit RED HUBER, ORLANDO SENTINEL )



-

How to Easily Get Everything You Ever Wanted and Have Someone Else Pay for It

It’s here! And it works! It is all the information you will ever need to make your life easy and you can only get it here!

How would you like to be well taken care of, get an education, get free healthcare, get your own interviews and shows on TV, and oh so much more! This can all be yours in just a few simple steps!

With my easy to follow plan, you can be reaping the rewards in no time! And there is a plan designed to fit just about anyone! And we have made all of the information available to the general public, FREE for a limited time!

Step #1 (Choose a Plan)

a. The “Express” Plan: Find a doctor willing to implant you with 3 dozen embryos.

b. The “Installment” Plan: Find a man to marry you that will enjoy knocking you up once a year so he can cash in too.

c. The “Instant” Plan: Find a man to marry you that will let you adopt 3 dozen children from a 3rd world country.

d. Do all of the above. (Our Best Value!)

Step #2

Give birth or adopt said children (or both, see our "Value Plan" above).

Step #3

Sell your story to the tabloids, Lifetime network, People Magazine, or any one of the other hundreds of news and entertainment outlets that will be willing to pay you for your story. They will give you money, build you a house, give you an education and make you famous! And what about the endorsement deals you can get from Pampers, Gerber and Quaker Oatmeal!

Step #4

Reap the profits.

Some variation of the above has worked for a lot of people! See this amazing plan in action! Check out some of our previous customers! Jon and Kate, Jim Bob and Michelle, and now this idiot, just to name a few!

It's foolproof! But you have to ACT NOW before it becomes too popular. You don’t want to put it off and then learn that you are no longer an exception to the rule! It would be like going to the prom in the same dress as that girl that stole your boyfriend in the 9th grade!

Get in on the ground breaking secret for success that only a few people have been able to achieve!

Live your dreams and let someone else pay for it! We can’t guarantee complete success, but you will not know unless you try this offer NOW!

Call 1-800-iminitforthemoney!

Call within the next 10 minutes and we will include a copy of “How to Buy Your Way Out of Any Financial Problem With Taxpayer Bailout Money”, enjoyed by hundreds of bank CEOs and other rich people the world over!

That’s 1-800-iminitforthemoney

Hurry! Call now!


-

Random Thought-When You Get in a Fight With Someone

He who calls the police first, wins.

Just sayin'.

Some People Make Me Sick

I just spoke with a man who just bought an English Bulldog for $200. Regularly the people that sell them do so for $1500, BUT this one had a small defect in its eye. Then he tells me that THEY WERE GOING TO PUT IT DOWN BECAUSE OF THIS SMALL DEFECT!!!!!!!

I am sooo pissed. If I had been thinking straight I would have asked for their names and sent them a nasty letter.

I am an animal lover. I DESPISE people who breed animals for monetary gain. One big embarassment in my life is the fact that my mother BOUGHT her Cocker Spaniel from a breeder. I was VERY upset and VERY vocal when she did and I still am whenever I get the chance to be a bitch over the matter. (Yeah, I am like that.)

The shelters are FULL of animals that need homes. These animals will DIE because they aren't "pretty enough", "pure enough" or just plain not "good enough" for most people and that makes me SICK. I cannot express just how sick that makes me.

But I guess we live in a world where people do the same thing with children. They have them and when they can't handle it they abuse them, abandon them, or even kill them. So I guess I shouldn't expect anything better of most people.

To me, animals are no less important than humans. They FEEL. They feel love, hurt, abandoment, pain, disappointment, everything and they DESERVE to be treated with love and kindness. My dog means more to me than a lot of my family members. Why? Becuase she is incapable of lying. She is incapable of playing mind games. She just loves me, and it is what it is.

So this post may piss people off, but I would LOVE to see someone justify this. They can't. Oh they can argue, but their words would be lame and meaningless and downright STUPID.

If you can afford to BUY an expensive animal from a MILL that churns them out without regard to the health and safety of the mother or the babies, then you can afford to give a shelter animal a good home. They didn't ask to be born, but they will pay for that birth with their very lives.

Okay, I have had my say for animal rights, but it will not be my last, I am sure.

Stepping down from the soapbox for now.


-