Saturday, October 25, 2008


You can tell so much about people by just sitting back and watching what they do. It is the same with blogs.

People that blog don't always come right out and say "I like this" or "I hate that" or "I enjoy watching [Insert TV Show/Movie/Porno Here]", but as you read them day after day or week after week you begin to form the puzzle that makes them...well, THEM, you know? You come to know, on some level, who they are.

I have been making notes throughout the day when I see something interesting, funny, sickening (or all three rolled into one) that I want to share on my blog, and it has made me so much more aware of myself. I think sometimes we forget who we are. Between jobs, cleaning litter boxes, and wiping snotty noses we lose whatever it was we used to be, or we never evolve into who were were intended to be.

I think I am at that time in my life. My kids have moved out, of course they still need me (I often say when your kids move out it doesn't mean the job is over, it just means you have more rent to pay, more cars to repair and buy tires for, well you get the idea), but here I am and all those things that made me the me that I was are gone.

I think some women in my situation get really depressed and feel totally lost. And for a while I did that too. It was awful when my youngest daughter left. I honestly felt that I had no purpose anymore.

Very slowly I have started to realize that this means I now have an opportunity to find out who I am. I hesitate to use the term "self discovery" because that sounds so "new-agey", but really that is what it is. I have started to think along the lines of "what do I want?", rather than "what should I make for dinner?". And for so long I never formed any solid ideas, convictions or opinions about things, but I am beginning to. And I am even beginning to defend those ideas because I know deep down that I truly believe them and have a right to them.

Rat Man and I will never be rich. Hell, we are lucky to pay the water bill sometimes, but I don't think that is necessarily all bad. It has certainly made me appreciate everything I DO have. It has made me want to do better. It has caused me to stop and take a long hard look at things that I probably wouldn't have otherwise.

So I think this blog is a tool, to help me discover who I am, maybe who I was always meant to be but missed it somewhere along the line when I was folding laundry & changing dirty diapers.

I can't say that I will not have days that I simply want to stay in bed with the covers over my head (I would really like to do that most days), but I am trying to dig my way out from under those covers.

Maybe in the process of this "blogging journey" someone will stumble upon it and realize that they too have a person inside them that has a need and a right to be heard. Maybe I will inspire them in some way to do what they always wanted to do.

Okay enough icky touchy-feely crap.

Back to our regularly scheduled insanity......