Thursday, January 15, 2009

My Cat is in Heat

I know that is not something you see on a blog everyday, but I just have to talk about it because it is driving me OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND!

I watch a little 3 year old boy during the day and when the cat goes up to him and stands in front of him with her butt in the air crying he gets so freaked out. Poor kid. She doesn't do that to me or Rat Man, but she does it to him, and ummm exactly what are you supposed to say to the poor little guy?

You know, it is a good thing that women aren't like cats. Could you just see it now? Every time we have our "cycle" we start rolling around on the floor, sticking our butts in the air and crying at the tops of our lungs.

Just think about that for a minute; in the grocery store, your child's teacher, that lady at the DMV with the one eyebrow over her very large forehead. And when that doesn't work, we climb up on the bed and pee in the middle of it because the male in the family isn't paying enough attention to us. (Hmmmm, I wonder if that would get me some attention......naw.....better not....)

I am about ready to pimp her out.

As I hear the sounds of yowling I suddenly have this very, very twisted daydream....a male cat in a business suit arrives at the front door, ringing the bell and asking to see her. We collect the money, then we usher him into a private room and tell him, "You have 30 minutes, and don't try anything funny because we are right outside the door." After 30 minutes, he comes out tucking in his shirt with an embarrassed look on his face and she is laying on the bed smoking a cigarette and I have 50 bucks to spend.

Yeah, I know I am losing it. What am I thinking? And where is my head for even day dreaming such things? We couldn't do that!

We don't allow smoking in the house.

(Don't you just love these little peeks inside my head? Yeah, scares everyone else too.)



Bookish.Spazz said...

haha this small peek inside your mind actually made me laugh... a lot in fact....

haha cats are such hoes.