Anguish

Webster's defines the word "anguish" as "extreme pain, distress, or anxiety". One of the synonyms is "sorrow". Ha. Webster doesn't even know.

I try not to get too personal on here. If I am upset or angered by something I normally make jokes. That is the way I deal with things. Some may see the jokes I make about things as inappropriate, but screw them; what do they know about me? I have made some pretty weird jokes and laughed about things like death, abuse, you name it. I know how that sounds, but if I didn't do that I would probably end up with a bullet in my brain. It is that simple.

But sometimes, there is nothing to cover the hurt. Nothing. It is just there. It is horrible and it will not stop.

The Tomboy is no longer engaged. I will not get into it too much, I know you don't know us and you probably couldn't care less, but I will share a bit of it, because that is what I do here.

Basically he left her a note to find when she got home. Out of the blue, she gets a fucking note. THEN he texted ME to tell ME that it was there. I had to spend all afternoon yesterday knowing what was in store for my precious child and not able to tell her. I had the misfortune of having her call me before her shift ended. I had to tell her. She became very upset at work. So today when she went in they fired her. THEY FUCKING FIRED HER FOR BEING UPSET AT WORK. What else can this low-life bastard take from her????

There is a lot of history here. They lived together; shared a home, a bed and (she thought) a future. He pulled the fucking rug out from under her in one fell swoop. In one instant he destroyed her sense of security and hope. She is broken. I hope he is fucking proud of himself.

What the hell do I do? This isn't like a ear ache or a broken bone. If you are not the parent of a grown child you CANNOT understand the personal anguish you experience when your child is devastated. I want to warn you. It is the single most difficult thing you will EVER go through with your child, besides having them die. Someone should have warned me. Damn it, I deserved that. Then I could have been prepared. I could have been ready to hurt like this. I could have been ready to cry myself to sleep; to walk around in a daze. To feel like someone has died.

My girls have had broken hearts before and it was AWFUL. But nothing compared to this. High school relationships end, and let me tell you, THOSE are horrible. But you go beyond that when you see a relationship end where your child had her heart and life invested in it. Her home, her job, her LIFE is gone. Taken away by an asshole that simply doesn't give a shit.

I will stop now. I don't know why I felt the need to share this. It doesn't make me feel any better. I just.....well I don't know. I know that this is NOT about me. It is about my beautiful, loving, giving, sensitive girl. I would cut out my own heart and give it to her to take away ONE SECOND of her pain. I would cut off my arms, anything, if it would do that. I swear I would. Someone just tell me that it will work and I will do it. Please tell me it will work.

I may not write for a few days. I can't find any reason to laugh. I have PLENTY to be angry about, but I can't speak to the one at which I want to hurl the pain, insults, threats, whatever it would take to rip out his heart and screw up his life so bad he would never get over it. THAT is what I WANT to do. But this is all I have. And I wish, oh God I wish, I was reading this on someone else's blog.


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I have a question! (Waving my hand in the air and grunting ala " Arnold Horshack")

And if you don't know who "Arnold Horshack" is, then you are too young to read this blog! (Sticking out my tongue at you...)

What?

My question?

What question?

Oh yeah...

Why do they have Braille signs at the zoo?




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I am very worried about the dog and the cat. I think they are falling in love.

Well, it has been a couple of weeks and the cat is in heat AGAIN! I am calling the vet tomorrow to get her spayed. (Either that or I am going to go out and grab the first male cat that I see and pimp her out to him.)

The Princess was over here this evening and we went to take Mattie out in the back yard to go potty. (Mattie is the FEMALE dog.) When we opened the door, Wednesday ran out with us. (Wednesday is the FEMALE cat.)

Wednesday has been crying and "rowling" and rolling and flipping on the floor until I am about to lose my mind.

I think the dog HAS lost hers.

While we were outside, Mattie walked over to Wednesday, who was writhing on the ground on her back and crying. As soon as Mattie got over to her, the silly cat rolled over, stuck her ass in the air towards Mattie and starts backing up to her, crying like she was just begging for some relief.

So what does Mattie do??? What does my FEMALE chihuahua do to the cat? SHE JUMPS ON AND STARTS HUMPING HER!!! Not once, but TWICE! The FEMALE dog was trying to give the FEMALE cat what she was asking for!

Okay, this is a total first for me. I mean I have seen female dogs hump other animals (it is about dominance) lots of times, but NEVER, EVER have I witnessed a female cat, ASK a female dog for sex and then the female dog comply to the request!

I think these poor animals have lived here in this nut house WAAAYYYY too long.

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Random (and B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L) Thought

True friendship is like peeing in your pants; everyone can see it, but you are the only one who can feel its warmth.

Doesn't that just make you all squishy inside?



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Flashback Friday-Pass the Squid, Please!

(Note: I made myself this little graphic for my flashbacks! Yeah I know the shading leaves a little to be desired, but I was hurrying to get it done this week. So if you don't like it, bite me. And I mean that in the nicest way.)


While The Tomboy has a wicked sense of humor, The Princess has always been a bit, well, empty headed, if you get my meaning. (I was going to say BLONDE, but I didn't want to offend any of my pitifully few readers! Love you guys, by the way :o) :o)

We went out to dinner at a seafood restaurant one night when The Princess was about 14 or 15 years old. We were all sitting there with our menus and Rat Man was regaling us with a story from one of his many trips out of town.

He was telling us that when he went to a restaurant in the Sears Tower that he ordered calamari which, of course, is SQUID (and why you would eat that is beyond me. He has even had SHARK **shudder**......but once again, I digress). When he ordered it, he was assuming that it was cut up, breaded and fried. But he was VERY mistaken.

I was only about half listening to him, studying my menu, trying to decide between the shrimp scampi and grilled shrimp when I halfway heard him comment on the squid.

"It was all slimy and still had its tentacles."

I didn't quite catch what he had said, so I looked up with a "Hmmm?" He didn't hear me. So I asked him again what he had said, to which The Princess LOUDLY proclaims (just as the waitress reaches the table, no less) "He said it still had its testicles!"

I thought the waitress was going to pee her pants. I wanted to slide under the table. And then to top it off Rat Man, not missing a beat says very calmly "Now THAT would be something to see."

In case you are wondering, I had the grilled shrimp, but that seems kinda anti-climactic now, huh?


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Someone is having some MAJOR wardrobe malfunctions!

Here are 3 search terms that brought the same person to my blog, THREE TIMES in ONE DAY (someone also needs some help using Google).

1. my slip was too long for my skirt

2. as i reached up i realised [sic] my half slip was showing

and

3. "my half slip"

Wow, I never knew my embarrassing moment was going to be so public!

Oh well, I still don't think I was having as many problems as this person doing the searching! Yeesh.

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Shifting Gears for a Sec....

So many of us that never even knew you are so saddened by your senseless death. Rest in peace, Little Angel.

Caylee Marie Anthony

August, 2006- June, 2008

(Photo Credit RED HUBER, ORLANDO SENTINEL )



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Random Thought-When You Get in a Fight With Someone

He who calls the police first, wins.

Just sayin'.

Some People Make Me Sick

I just spoke with a man who just bought an English Bulldog for $200. Regularly the people that sell them do so for $1500, BUT this one had a small defect in its eye. Then he tells me that THEY WERE GOING TO PUT IT DOWN BECAUSE OF THIS SMALL DEFECT!!!!!!!

I am sooo pissed. If I had been thinking straight I would have asked for their names and sent them a nasty letter.

I am an animal lover. I DESPISE people who breed animals for monetary gain. One big embarassment in my life is the fact that my mother BOUGHT her Cocker Spaniel from a breeder. I was VERY upset and VERY vocal when she did and I still am whenever I get the chance to be a bitch over the matter. (Yeah, I am like that.)

The shelters are FULL of animals that need homes. These animals will DIE because they aren't "pretty enough", "pure enough" or just plain not "good enough" for most people and that makes me SICK. I cannot express just how sick that makes me.

But I guess we live in a world where people do the same thing with children. They have them and when they can't handle it they abuse them, abandon them, or even kill them. So I guess I shouldn't expect anything better of most people.

To me, animals are no less important than humans. They FEEL. They feel love, hurt, abandoment, pain, disappointment, everything and they DESERVE to be treated with love and kindness. My dog means more to me than a lot of my family members. Why? Becuase she is incapable of lying. She is incapable of playing mind games. She just loves me, and it is what it is.

So this post may piss people off, but I would LOVE to see someone justify this. They can't. Oh they can argue, but their words would be lame and meaningless and downright STUPID.

If you can afford to BUY an expensive animal from a MILL that churns them out without regard to the health and safety of the mother or the babies, then you can afford to give a shelter animal a good home. They didn't ask to be born, but they will pay for that birth with their very lives.

Okay, I have had my say for animal rights, but it will not be my last, I am sure.

Stepping down from the soapbox for now.


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